Queerly Atheist Heart

The narrow streets are crowded

Overflowing with people

Small children are moving about

Buying and crying for toys

The vehicles honking as they go

 

In the distance,

I can hear a wail

It’s the evening prayer time

I can hear the ringing of the temple bells

And the cries of the namaz starting

 

My atheist heart shudders

As I walk down the street

Thinking about them

With their rituals and unconditional love for God

 

They don’t accept me

All the religions

They never seem to tell me

That my creator loves me

The way they tell their own

 

I used to be a follower too

I tried every door

Every masjid

Every church

Every mandir

 

But they all told me

That my “eccentric” character

Isn’t what God likes

My want for equality

Caused a huge outcry

 

They just couldn’t believe

That the one beyond the clouds

Could form something like me

Half man

Half woman

 

My character is judged

On the basis of my attire

The pitch of my voice

Stuns people all around

Making them question my existence

 

My queerness

Hurts their “moral fibre”

It seems un-human

They say I’m cursed

And they fear me

 

They fear me

So they harass me

Disrespect me

Treat me as a

Second-class citizen

 

They all tell the followers of their own

“God loves everyone, unconditionally”

Yet, they draw a line at me

 

Everything is made by God

But the conflict of my mind and body

Boggles them and causes an itch in their backsides

 

They try to tell me

That I am unnatural

They try to make me fit into a role as per “culture”

It’s not who I am

And I don’t want to be

 

I refuse

I refuse to be a puppet

Pulled by the strings of some interpretation

Of a text who’s meaning you can’t

Fully comprehend

Whose words have meanings

That you are unaware of

 

I have debated long and hard

For the acknowledgement of my being

For my rights

For me to be able to exist without restrictions

For letting others like me

Know that it’s okay to be alive

 

So my atheist heart

Took a pledge

A pledge to not let the puny man

With a pea-sized brain

Tell me what to do

 

I stand by my eccentricities

I don’t need your God

To love me

As long as I have me and

My queerly atheist heart